My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
