Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
