I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
