I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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