We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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