the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
