you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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