I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
