My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
