No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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