They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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