I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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