On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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