True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
this just has baby written all over it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
