i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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