Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
