Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
