3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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