That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I believe in your delicious
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
