you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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