i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Couch. On fire.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
