If i come over, it means nothing
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Welp...herpes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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