oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
try to milk me bitch
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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