there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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