Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
