What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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