...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
