I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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