Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
