yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
