you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
