I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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