Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
