drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
