put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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