Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
