why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
