Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
