i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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