some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
