At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
