words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
