Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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