all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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