Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
