Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
