He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm both gender and math confused
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
