My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
