Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
