dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
