his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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